"No! Not Simon!"

"Oh My Word!" You're thinking - "Sir Alan chose a puppy!"

"Now, don't be cheeky and say he got rid of a dog last week! And no I don't have my (or any) tail between my legs, nor am I clearly as barking as some imagine..."

Interviewer: "Bitch?"

"Yes?"

"Oh - I see...Anyway, the more observant of you will have spotted from last week's teaser that Sir Alan nodded over to his right when he uttered his 'You're Hired! - the quick-fingered spread-betters amongst you may even have made a tidy profit from that observation as the teams filed into the boardroom this week."

"The look of melting, avuncular pride on Sir Alan's face as he hired Simon, was almost as priceless as Simon's simpleton-canine yelping as he took the news. Nowhere near as malevolently satisfying as the crushed 'Oh-Bollocks-I'm-So-Past-It-and-This Was-My-Last-Chance' sidelong rictus of Kristina at the very same moment..."

"So, a puppy it is for Sir Alan. I wager there'll be a fair few poo-poos on the boardroom carpet before long."

"Anyway, we all know who the real winner of this series is and I'm off for a fag and a bottle of sherry..."