Mission accomplished

"Is it credible that I would spend '11 weeks' debasing myself alongside these plebeians and middle-brow low-achievers only to realise at the very end that I couldn't commit to the job?"

"Well, er, frankly - yes!"

"I mean look at the completely plausible expression of sincerity I mustered on the BBC breakfast show, when I averred that, 'I went there to win the apprentice. I went to work for Sir Alan and that's what I wanted'.

"You'll notice I used the word, 'aver' there. That's a word that clever people like me use to say, erm, 'say'."


"Anyway. Mission accomplished. Does anyone have Max Clifford's number?"